I woke up to the bathroom in use, and shit touching cloth. Didn't have time to knock and wait so ran into the yard and popped a squat, cleaned up with leaves, then went inside to shower, etc.

While in the shower my partner got up and let the dogs out, and I hear a "what the f**k is that!?". My heart started pounding. She had found it. I hadn't cleaned it up yet.

We have two dogs, both under 5 kg. The shit was the size of the smaller one. I've convinced her it was one of the dogs, so now I'm taking them to the vet tomorrow because "a dog taking a shit the size of its body can't be a good thing".

I'm not admitting it was mine, not now. Hopefully, the vet bill isn't too high.